oh, you know how it is

A tall figure wearing a dark purple overcoat grips a phone in its hand, staring in horror and appearing to stagger back from the screen. The figure is awkwardly proportioned, with strangely small legs and a very tall and massive upper body that give the impression of two people in the coat. The coat has two military-style stars on one shoulder, a round blue patch on the other, and an ID card pinned to the breast. The figure's head is round, with one eye and no nose, like a worm or some bizarre fish. Its eye is red. The painting is signed "Chris Silverman".