just needed to vent about work for a minute (feel free to ignore)

just a tired followup to my 2025 status (https://mltshp.com/p/1QRGU)

everyone here gave me amazing support and suggestions last winter when i talked about work. it got me feeling momentarily purposeful, and i was slowly amping myself to start looking for new opportunities- but then i got sidetracked (first with my dad’s stroke, then with finding a last-minute apartment and moving, then with a slew of other things).

in the fall, i got shifted into a new position on a new team. it came with a 30% raise (for which i’m grateful; i was struggling), but it has not been a positive experience.

i’m literally the only researcher on my team and every project relies on me even though i have zero clue what i’m doing. i’m constantly skipping from one project to another, never really getting anything done but everyone expecting me to find some kind of magic for them with no resources aside from “why don’t you just use an LLM?”. to top it off, we’re regularly in meeting with [exec] who treats us with disdain, bullies everyone, and demands your opinion just to tell you it’s “bullshit”. i’m so tired of it. i’m so tired of people thinking that's normal.

every night i leave work and tell myself i’m going to find the energy to rewrite my resume or look at jobs for an hour. but every night i get home and i just… melt. i sit down to decompress for a few minutes and suddenly it’s bedtime.

i regularly take 2-3 days of PTO a month, and i still feel worn down. i sometimes feel like i’m doing nothing at work and i still feel worn down. i don’t have the energy to do anything i like anymore.

i guess i’m just putting this here to try to push myself into trying again. i know i need to do this or i’ll wither up and die. i don’t have any advice to ask of you, just… guess i need to put it out there. if you have life advice, lay it on me. (if you have jokes, sorry, i am not in the mood.)

thanks for listening. i may delete this later.

image source: quite literally, and unironically, a closeup of a poster HR put up in the building for a seminar on burnout.